Playing and social skills

By 2 years old, toddlers will usually:

• like being around familiar adults
• happily play alone or alongside others
• show you objects they are interested in
• enjoy simple pretend play like feeding a dolly
• copy songs and actions with you
• start to take turns like rolling a ball back and forth

You can help your toddler by:

• joining in with your toddler's play by following their lead and playing with what your child is interested in
• copying what your toddler is doing and responding to what they say
• talking about what your toddler is doing as they play as this helps them learn what to say

Activities you can do with your child to improve play and social skills:

Read book together, take turns to lift flaps and turn the pages. Create anticipation by using facial expressions and changing your tone of voice.

Play with noise makers (shakers, drums, bells etc). You can also take turns e.g. your toddler makes a noise and then you make a noise.

Playing ‘Ready? Steady... Go!’ games using push-and-go cars or pop-up toys. Pause before saying go. Increase the lengths of time to help hold your child’s attention. Encourage them to look and share the experience with you.

Playing with your child. Join in with them! Follow what they are doing and slowly show how they can make links in their play like teddy is on the bed sleeping.

By 3 years old, toddlers will usually:

• enjoy playing pretend games with others and by themselves
• be interested in others playing and will join in
• choose their own activities or games and will follow their own plans
• interact with familiar adults and copy their actions
• try out new things and actively explore the world around them

You can help your toddler by:

• joining in with your toddler's play by following their lead and playing with what your child is interested in
• copying what your toddler is doing and responding to what they say
• talking about what your toddler is doing as they play as this helps them learn what to say

Activities you can do with your toddler to improve play and social skills:

Playing pretend with your child. Pretending to eat, drink and brush your hair with your child can encourage them to use their imagination more. You can use dolls or toys in your pretend games and take care of them or go on adventures.

Turn-taking and sharing whilst doing everyday activities like cooking. You can take turns to stir cake mix or build a tower together. Make sure you praise any nice sharing your toddler does.

Go to areas where your child can meet and play with other children of a similar age. You could go to the park or an activity centre. This is a great way to develop their social skills.

By 4 years old, toddlers will usually:

• start conversations with people
• play more with other toddlers and children
• understand taking turns and sharing
• play in a wider range of imaginative games with adults like driving a toy car to the garage, filling it up with petrol and driving away

You can help your toddler by:

• joining in with your toddler's play by following their lead, you can show interest by commenting rather than asking questions
• copying what your toddler is doing and responding to what they say
• talking about what your toddler is doing as they play as this helps them learn what to say

Activities you can do with your toddler to improve play and social skills:

Playing games with structured turn taking. For example, board games like pop-up pirate where you have your own pieces for the game. You can also use visual cues to help show whose turn it is like a silly hat or a toy.

Involving your toddler in chores that involve working together and helping like tiding up, washing up or doing small jobs.

Playing imaginative activities that could be linked to stories. For example, “we’re going on a bear hunt!”

Reading books that help your child to talk and think about friendships.

Having a ‘special time’ together where you can talk about what has happened during the day. This is a great way to develop your toddler's conversation and memory skills.  

By 5 years old years children will usually:

• play with other children and choose their own friends
• organise and play pretend or roleplay with other children like pretending to be a dog while playing
• start conversations with people and takes turns in conversations
• listen to and join in with group conversations
• talk to get information, negotiate and give opinions
• prefer routine but can cope with changes with pre-warning and adult support

You can help your child by:

• using clear and simple language when speaking to your child
• be clear about what you want your child to do for example “listen to me, then it will be your turn to talk.”
• using open questions to encourage more than a “yes” or “no” response
• giving your child time to response and try to avoid anticipating or completing the sentence
• being honest if you did not understand what your child said. This helps them develop self-awareness and gives them an opportunity to clear up what they said

By 7 years old, children will usually:

• listen to, join in and take turns in group conversations
• use their words to do a wider range of things such as negotiate, give opinions and discuss ideas
• give details in conversations that they know are important and will influence the listener
• develop their friendships further. they will be aware of who their friends are, why they are friends and can understand the feelings of their friends. friendships will include falling out and making up again.
• begin to talk to people in different ways for example talking one way to their friends and another way to their teacher
• make their stories more exciting by exaggerating and using different tones of voice

You can help your child by:

• using clear and simple language when speaking to your child
• be clear about what you want your child to do for example “listen to me, then it will be your turn to talk.”
• using open questions to encourage more than a yes or no response
• give your child time to response and try to avoid anticipating or completing the sentence
• be honest if you did not understand what your child said. This helps them develop self-awareness and gives them an opportunity to clear up what they said

Between 7 to 11 years old, children will usually:

• Use words they hear other people using and begin to be aware of the latest slang
• Be aware of what the listener knows and checks while they are telling a story
• Exaggerate stories in an unbelievable way to make their stories more exciting for example “last night at granny’s we had the biggest pizza in the world!”
• Use language to do a wider range of things such as ask questions, negotiate, give opinions, and discuss ideas. This is important for building and maintaining friendships for example complimenting and criticising
• Continue conversations with a range of people by making relevant comments or by asking questions
• Talk to people in different ways and use formal language when appropriate in a similar situation for example showing a visitor around school
• Anticipate other people’s thoughts and feelings

You can help your child by:

• using clear and simple language when speaking to your child
• be clear about what you want your child to do for example “listen to me, then it will be your turn to talk.”
• using open questions to encourage more than a yes or no response
• give your child time to response and try to avoid anticipating or completing the sentence
• be honest if you did not understand what your child said. This helps them develop self-awareness and gives them an opportunity to clear up what they said

Between 11 and 19 years old, young people and teenagers will usually be able to:

• Negotiate and argue by explaining other options and possible outcomes
• Organise and manage shared tasks with little adult supervision
• Realise when people don’t fully understand and try to help them
• Enjoy group games and explain the rules effectively
• Easily switch between informal and formal styles of talking depending on the audience
• Understands and uses sarcasm and irony

Activities you can do with your young person or teenager to improve play and social skills:

Roleplay different scenarios with your child. Encourage your young person or teenager to adapt their styles of language for different situations. For example, you could roleplay an work experience interview scenario and a scenario where they are speaking to someone in the park.

Explaining their activities and thought process. For example, if your young person or teenager has created a piece of art, you can ask them to explain what it is, why they picked the colours etc. Alternatively, you could ask your young person or teenager to explain the rules or best practices for a sport or activity they enjoy doing.

How to help your young person or teenager

If you have concerns about your young person or teenager's use of language, get in touch with their school or education setting. They will be able to help with your young person or teenager and, if necessary, refer your young person or teenager onto the Bedfordshire and Luton Children's Speech and Language team.